Clinton Mabry Milliken and two years

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Today (January 19, 2014) is no different from any other day since January 19, 2012. Two years seem like forever when it’s a rough moment. Two years seem like a nanosecond when it was the total time you got with an extra special little boy. Just another day to remember an incredible kid who irrevocably changed my world and the world of so many others.

I have had time to develop my list of Clinton lesson’s. Some days I refer to them as “The Clinton experience” because it is almost surreal. I have always believed life is full of paradigm shifts (ie – ideas that may be more or less fashionable during any given period of time, but all regarded as legitimate), I just tend to be on the side of those that believe without seeing much quicker than others.

The world thinks – the best educations are obtained from Ivy league schools with the most astute professors. Not to be argued, but no one can discount lessons taught by a 7-year-old who had only just completed Kindergarten (and half a year of Kinder-grader. That is – part K and part 1st grade in one day).

Clinton taught me –
– patience and kindness on a different and more meaningful level.
– to realize that there really are people who do not deserve my time.
– to push boundaries – almost to the illegal point. (No – wait, allowing a then 6-year-old to drive may have been – technically, illegal.). Prove it. Then, arrest me.

The world needs to know that once you survive the loss of a child, it's got NOTHING.

The world needs to know that once you survive the loss of a child, it’s got NOTHING.

– that my professional work and some people “very close” to me – needed me more far more than I needed them, and that they would never be capable of respecting me nor my decisions. It was an ouch moment.
– to stop trying to please those who could never be pleased, but to instead focus that energy on those who need and are grateful for my voice, time and talent.
– that the world STINKS at second chances and that so many judge other’s decisions, yet have no clue what it’s like to make decisions even close to the levity that they are judging.
– how to lose gracefully. I’m really bad at this. Yet, to compete like I would win and never ever give up the hope of winning until your Momma tells you it’s okay to stop.
– how to keep going when everyone except your biggest cheerleaders say you will fail.
– he sealed my belief that the world needs to pay more attention to the wisdom and resiliency of children. Especially children faced with the most agonizing circumstances. Of course, bald-headed kids – but also the children of Africa, orphans – or any war-torn area. Watch them find pure happiness and joy in the simplest of things. It will change you and your ideals of what you think you need.

It’s not just myself that this boy taught. I could never tell and retell the numerous people (complete strangers, never having met Clinton) tell us how he changed their life. It still blows our minds.

I read a quote recently (paraphrasing) that a person actually dies twice. The first time – when their heart stops beating. A second and final time when no one speaks their name. Clinton’s second time is not happening.

It’s just not.

c laughing

Please remember me.

Fit for a King

Fit for a King

Want to see some awesomeness? Click away:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj8QqAP-Phg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAvcMrPkkK0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN9wpeflqgA

www.clintonsclub.org

Above all, Clinton wished that Cancer kids, could “just be normal kids”.  Admittedly, I was not 46/7 aware before Clinton. Childhood Cancer is killing our children far faster and in more number than any other single disease, incident (think terrorism), etc. As Americans, we seem to not care that our federally funded Cancer research dollars are allocated in such disproportion that we spend 99 cents of every dollar on fighting ADULT cancer and one penny of every dollar to childhood cancer. If this means nothing to you – I challenge you to spend 99% of your family’s income on yourself and 1% on your kids and see how long before child protective service visits your home – and takes your children away. Just think. Then DO something. (Please, research those non-profits you give to. Just because they use smiling little bald-headed kids in their marketing, does not mean they give to children). Legend has it, I was known to throw a few breath-holding-until-I-got-my-way fits when I was little. Being the baby and all. Loving a Cancer kid has taken this skill to a whole new level. Childhood Cancer Caucus – you’ve been warned. Since the Clinton experience, I have added a few hundred more children to my list of advocacy. I’ve got your number, I see your little lies. You’ve had a good run at hiding the numbers of incident by labeling childhood cancers – rare. Yeah, we’re not that stupid – anymore. Until you come up with names that distinguish the different types of breast or prostate cancer – you are no longer allowed to call the “rare” childhood cancers – names like: Medulloblastoma, Leukemia, Neuroblastoma, Renal Cell Carcinoma, Wilms, Rhabdomyosarcoma,Retinoblastoma, Osteosarcoma, Ewing Sacroma, etc. To do this and then tell the world that childhood cancers are rare is a lie. Add em up. Then tell the world that the parents of kids with cancer did nothing wrong. Be sure to also let the world know that most (no not all, no hate mail, please) of adult cancers are the result of personal choices. This is not like the idiom of comparing apples to oranges. This is more like comparing apples to – deep-fried-chocolate-dipped-bacon. 

https://woodardgirl.com/2012/02/09/my-sweet-sweet-clinton/

Situationally Aware.

hero

 I have really had to work on developing my capacity for awareness to the extent that it’s “personal” to my brain – to survive.  I believe I was born with a strong awareness center in my brain which leads me to also “feel” at a much higher sensitivity level. I automatically feel the need to not only label everything I observe, but to categorize it in every way possible – look, feel, smell, sound, positive, negative, feels good, or does not feel good – and please- logical!  As a child, in the absence of emotional maturity, introspection, reasoning, nor any understanding of real life, this awareness center was not always a positive source. Until I learned how to make it personal to my brain, my awareness center got mixed with my thoughts, and Lord knows I cannot believe everything I think! It is much like being supercharged all the time. I have always been somewhat envious of those who seemingly are oblivious to every little thing around them.

Looking all stressed out with my cousin

Looking all stressed out with my cousin

There are many people like me who feel that we were suddenly plugged into a higher voltage of everything, including the force of negativity, which can lead to being overwhelmed, most of the time. I did not realize until I was almost 26 how unconsciously I was living. This coupled with my ordinal position taught me that awareness (done well) is the foundation of how to start coming out of the dysfunction of negativity – and how to stay there. I had to teach myself the mastery of being a pure observer (leaving out judgment/interpretations) without needing thoughts. It’s quite powerful.

This awareness became my light that I have used to identify negativity, and letting it go is an attitude that allows me to dissolve it.  This is HARD work. For me, letting go simply means to stay in a space of allowing the inevitable negativity of others to run out of momentum and fizzle away. Letting go is similar to “doing nothing” or “not engaging”. Just be – and the negativity will soon dissolve. In my life, I have applied it to situations and people. The science behind my theory is simple – life is a space of pure positive vibration and hence it does not support low vibration (negative) states. The only way to sustain a low vibration state is for ME to give it the energy it needs to survive by my beliefs/attention/focus. In short, negative people have neither power nor influence over my life.

If I simply stay in an “open awareness” state – negativity will automatically dissolve since it’s not supported by my life.  It takes time, conscience effort and an attitude of allowing what comes – to come fully. I believe that my generation has not done well with allowing their children to fully feel bad things.  It’s normal to want to protect them, but in real life not everyone gets a trophy and not everyone can be first. This can only come from a place of love – not fear or hatred.

When I was very young, I recall being taught that sin was the measurement of “getting in” or not. As in – in to Eternity. I don’t believe this to be true. I believe it puts our Creator in the smallest box ever. I think He knew we were born to sin, its how me made us. I don’t believe sin is weighted. I don’t believe in degrees of sin. I don’t believe Jesus stuttered. Just ask my kids – I do not believe in rewarding expected behavior. Rather, I believe we will be judged to a higher degree on work that we could have done, but chose not to do. If you can do it – do it. If you can make something better, make it. Always leave a place better than you found it. Heaven

  Sometimes bad things happen to good people.  Until the Clinton experience, I almost always felt that letting go was quitting, giving up. Then I realized that this boy was ready to go. That wanting him to stay here beyond all costs and measures while his little body betrayed him was the most self-centered thing to do. That by witnessing his mother allowing him to go and telling him that he could go and she would be okay was not only the right thing to do, but what he needed to hear.  “Allowing” or letting go has become my definition of unconditional or “agape” love.

Then there are things I can not let go of…like for example: I have friends that think they are hysterical. They bought me a t-shirt that says “Jesus is a Red Sox Fan”.  I countered with a “Jesus loves you, but I’m His favorite” tee.  I don’t want to burst their bubble – but Jesus loves everyone, that’s just his thing. Revelation 22:13 reads “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End” – and post note – he wears Heavenly Pin Stripes. I seriously hear Glory Land type music when I see #2 in pinstripes. It’s better than that. Are you aware?

The one..the only

The one..the only